my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
