so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I want is dick and wine.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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