You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
