Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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