Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her vagine was all disorganized.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
