She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
