eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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