I think I won the penis lottery.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
