You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
