Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
