More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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