you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
