You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
