So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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