It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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