Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
