Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
