Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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