I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
dude. I can hear the air.
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