a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
