I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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