Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
