SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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