you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
