on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
