Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
