sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
