??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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