I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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