I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
