girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
