if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
