Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
