hotel room ftw
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
