Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
