I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
