My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
