I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
