We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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