Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
