I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
