im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
