Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
