You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Randomize
