She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
