You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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