And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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