You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
