he thought i was a dude.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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