Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
