He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
third nipple confirmed
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
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